Leadership Final pt. 1 - "My Life in the Rearview Mirror"

It's so difficult for me to think about what it would be like to have my life at an end right now. In many ways I'm restarting my life with my time here at MATC, or perhaps it's more accurate to say that I'm starting a new life. I do not feel that my life so far has been without accomplishments or some form of legacy, but I cling to the thought that I have so much more to give the world than I already have. So with that knowledge, I hope that any who decide to read this will understand that I reflect on hat I have been able to give and do, as well as regrets that very well may be changed in the future.

What I have Given

At the age of 29, I feel that my contributions are so small compared to others. There is a very valid school of thought that there is no such thing as a small accomplishment if it has enriched the life of another, but I wonder if others see what I give as enriching.

I first would say that one of my greatest accomplishments of the past has been how many have stopped to consider alternatives based on my words and thoughts. I know that I have caused personal growth in a number of people I've known based solely on how I have watched them play games, as strange as that may sound. But before you dismiss that, consider this; Games have been a part of human history since the first signs of civilization, designed as both entertainment and teaching tool. A truly good game requires all concentration and attention to be given to it, and ending with a hint as to how to play better next time. However, I've known many young people that used to shop or play against me that would not see a game as more than a situation to win or lose, and would give up on the games they would lose at. They did not see the game as experience, just an obstacle. But for a number of them, I showed that a game you always won never challenged you to see new things.

Chess was always my favorite, as it teaches patience, logic, and the ability to look at your opponent with respect. But there are games for teaching teamwork, self reliance, understanding resources, flexibility in planning, and even the ability to accept a loss of control. And at all times, it taught how important good rules are and how bad rules just caused failure. I saw many of these kids go on to thinking less about to get an easy win and more in how to appreciate a worthwhile victory. And if there is ever a life philosophy I think we should all live by, it's that.

Regrets

Even as of last night, I am still bothered with my own self doubts. I have issues that may never be overcome fully, and they often manifest as bitter grudges, irrational overpowering fears, and a loss of confidence. My regrets come that even with my self knowledge about these issues, I still fail to prevent them from slowing down where I could be in life. I know that some of these problems cannot just be overcome with willpower and strength of character, but I have to accept responsibility for what I can control before I look outwards at the other causes in my life.

How Others See Me

I am told many times how intelligent I am. It is a comment that always makes me feel better about how often I speak up, or offer advice. It is a comment, however, that I feel needs to come with personal humility. As smart as I am, I know there is so much I have to learn. And if there is anything I do that others may see as intelligent or smart, I hope it is my actions I take to learn more by speaking up and bringing my own views or thoughts to light. I don't do this because I want others to look at me or share my ideas, but rather I want others to talk with me and to feel that I'll listen to them as much as they might listen to me.